The Kings Of Wishful Thinking

Thursday, January 19 2012

God bless Wikipedia.

You know that dreadful moment of self-recognition in which you become acutely aware that you've accidentally tumbled headlong down the Wikipedia rabbithole? Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about... I'm talking about that VERY moment you realize that an hour ago you set out simply to confirm what year "Bust A Move" came out because this butthorn you're having a beer next to at the bar SWEARS it was 1986 when you KNOW it was 1989... And the next thing you know, after a few dalliances into Eskimo ice-fishing techniques, Machu Picchu, Sumo wrestling weight classifications, Pistol Pete Maravich and more, you've ultimately read 5,000 words on the subject of Finnish basket-weaving in the 14th century.

... Well I had one of those experiences the other day.

It all started so innocently (it usually does).

First a little background though... A friend and musician I know recently bought one of the great artifacts of 1980's music: THE YAMAHA DX7!

For those of you who don't know, the DX7 is perhaps the synthesizer most commonly associated with pop music from the 1980's. Its famous patches often sound like a kind of synthetic electric piano and its sound derives from what was, at the time, a new kind of digital synthesis unique to the device. Whether or not you're aware of its existence, you've definitely heard it on countless recordings, some of which you may even love. Its distinctive sound is one you can quickly begin to recognize once you understand its characteristics.

For example, this great song is chock full of some DX7.

This sounds DX7-y like a motherfucker.

This too.

This is SUPER DX7-sounding.

... Basically, if you want to make some syrup-y, 80's pop cheese, the DX7 is your weapon of choice.

Well, reading about this synthesizer on Wikipedia is precisely the kind of slippery internet slope that has a way of making my day a lot less productive, because it's only a matter of time before I've watched a handful of 1980's music videos and finally arrive at something as baffling as this (and DO watch it if you intend to read more)...

I'm pretty sure I instantly watched this video 3 or 4 times in a row. I was transfixed.

Yes... Go West. Those wonderful, British purveyors of 1980's montage music that we all remember so well. They of Pretty Woman soundtrack fame... They who sold 4 million copies of their album Indian Summer on the strength of this particular song, "The King Of Wishful Thinking".

Let me start by saying that while it might not be the best, most tasteful production I've ever heard, this isn't really a bad song and I'm not here to make fun of it or trash talk it or anything of the sort. When I was a kid, my mother loved it - And seriously, what child of the 80's doesn't have fond memories of songs like this one? (And while it does deserve note that the song actually came out in 1990, I imagine most people would guess it came out anywhere between 88-92... Plus, everybody knows the 80's actually lasted until about 1994... But then again, that's a different conversation entirely.) ... Anyways, unless you're some sort of self-aware prick who's too cool for school, you should be real with yourself and feel no shame admitting that this song is A. An undeniably well-built piece of pop craftsmanship, B. Catchy as fuck, and C. A complete success at everything it's trying to do well; namely at being a huge, chart-destroying slice of shameless fun. I have no problem with any of these things.

In fact, I don't really have a problem with anything going on here. I am completely on-board with this music video and its manic, anything-goes narrative and one way or another, I'll ultimately give you a number of reasons why.

First things first though, why don't we get to know the stars of our show. According to Wikipedia, our two musical auteurs in question are known to their mothers as Peter Cox and Richard Drummie (As an aside, there's an absolute shitstorm of dick jokes to be made out of these guys' names, right?). Anyways, they are the principal members of Go West.

... And here they are, presumably in earlier years (Drummie left and Cox right).



Next, let's talk about the cocaine, because we are dealing with the 80's (early 90's) here. While I have absolutely no concrete evidence on the subject of Go West and their purported use of narcotics or illegal substances, the question really does beg to be asked: Just how much blow do you think it takes for a room full of adult creatives with a late-80's, major label video budget to conceive some shit like this and follow it through to completion? Where should we set the over/under? 5 grams? At what point in the conversation does the suit at the label step in and say, "wait a second guys, let me get this clear... You want to fill a room with ballerinas, hockey players, an elephant doing a headstand, a mariachi band, a zebra wrangler, and what seems like a hodgepodge of semi-coherent ideas my 4th grade son dreamt up? ... Well, I think that's a fucking BRILLIANT idea and more than anything, a fantastic use of our budget..."?

Well friends, luckily for you, I have an answer to that question... Because I alone (somewhere in the murkiest, most downtrodden Hollywood gutter) managed to uncover the long lost transcript of the legendary creative briefing which led to the creation of this music video... And I've transcribed the entire thing for you.

BEHOLD...

(The scene: 1989. Somewhere in a swank Hollywood conference room, in front of an enormous pile of cocaine sits Suit, Cox, and Drummie... As Legend would have it.)

Suit (who takes a MASSIVE line off the table and stands up, arms wide open): "Gentlemen!!! Welcome to Hollywood. What would you like to do? The sky's the limit boys. You're fucking GO WEST."

Cox (proceeding with a line of his own, and speaking in the Queen's English): "Well, sir, and if I may be frank, we wanna go all Fellini with this bitch. We wanna transform a simple white room into a phantasmagorical circus of entertainers and eccentrics which crescendos into an overflowing spectacle of sights, sounds and characters... You know, basically like the end of 8 1/2. We wanna make 8 1/2."

Suit (incredulously): "Wait a second... You guys are into Fellini?!"

Drummie (doing his first line, and also speaking in his elegant mother tongue): "Well, I mean, I thought Satyricon was SHIT, but you know... We made Bangs & Crashes, so even the greats misstep from time to time, know what I mean? ... But yeah, I fancy myself something of an expert on the subject of post-Neorealist Italian cinema... FUCK yes."

Suit (doing his second line): "You learn something new every day... Well I like where this is going boys, and I've got a blank check with your name on it. Tell me more."

Cox: "Well ya see, my mate Drummie is somethin' wicked on the stand-up bass so I figured we could, like, you know... Give the man a little shine while he's doin' his thing... Takin' that bass for a walk, if you're speaking my language..."

Cox: "... And ya know what... Thinking about it now, if we can put the man in biker shorts and a baggy, mustard yellow top from Z Cavaricci Off The Rack, I see no reason why we shouldn't."

Suit: "Wait a second though, let's not get ahead of ourselves... There's a stand-up bass part in that song?!"

Cox: "Fuck no there's no stand up bass in that song!"

Drummie (chopping up the next line and cackling diabolically): "Hehehe-"

Cox: "You know what though? Fuck it. I reckon this video may as well showcase the entire spectrum of Go West's mind-fucking performance chops, whether the song requires us to or not. And because I say so. Look..."

"There I am, gettin' busy on the drums..."

"... My man Drummie'll set those keys a'twinkle."

"... Dude can even shred the funky, chicken-scratch guitar licks."

Suit (taking a line): "Those ARE funky licks."

Drummie (vigorously taking the line he just chopped up and looking up, eyes glazed and wide-open): "You're GODDAMN right they are."

Cox: "It doesn't even matter... Fuck it, we'll style the entire shoot."

Drummie (taking another line): "I don't even give a FUCK."

Suit: "Whoa, hold up. You guys are stylists too?"

Cox: "Let me ask you this, suit... What about this fucking persian blue blazer I'm wearing might suggest I'm anything short of a master fucking stylist?"

Suit: "Uhhhh-"

Cox (taking another line): "... And that's before we even BEGIN to talk about the effortlessness of Drummie's contemporary, backward/side-cocked hat-meets leather jacket-meets biker shorts combo."

Suit (taking a line): "It's fuckin' genius guys, I don't even know what to say... Other than that I'm picking up what you blokes are putting down. But I somehow want more. This is the 80's, man. I want more. MORE, Goddamnit... MORE!!!"

Cox (taking another line): "Look man, our treatment calls for the following..."

"A stand-in for Julia Roberts... Because I'm sure-as-shit not gonna pay that bitch, and neither is Drummie."

"... And since we're on the subject of "Pretty Woman", get me a budget-level Roy Orbison and throw that fucker into the mix."

"We need a pope."

"A performing ballet troupe..."

"I don't know, maybe a half dozen fake bolders..."

"Maybe another half dozen New Orleans-style jazz players..."

"A (possibly gay) construction worker jackhammering a few rocks..."

"A motherfucking elephant standing on its head."

Cox: "Ever seen some shit like that before, suit? A FUCKING ELEPHANT STANDING ON ITS HEAD?!"

Suit: "I... I don't think I have."

Cox: "That's why we're Go West, bitch."

Drummie (butting in spastically): "I want a mariachi band!!!"

Cox (doing another line off the table): "Fuckin' A, you'll get one then Drummie..."

Cox: "We'll need a zebra wrangler with at least two zebras..."

"... And throw some gratuitous zebra ass in there for good measure."

Suit (while doing a line): "Fuckin' hell! What else?!"

Cox: "I don't even know... I'm so high right now."

Cox: "Oh yes that's right, we'll need Kings."

Drummie (looking up with wild, crazy eyes): "YES! KINGS!!!"

Suit: "Kings? I don't get it. What kind of kings?"

Cox (taking another line): "This is the "King Of Wishful Thinking" video, dipshit. Remember?"

Suit: "Fuck, you're right... That's brilliant! So, ummm, let me guess... I don't know? Maybe, uh, King Neptune?!"

Cox: "Sure!!! Fuck it, why not?!"

Suit (speaking faster): "The king of the forest?!"

Cox: "Not queen, not duke, not prince."

Suit (frantically): "Uhhhh... Shit! Ummmm! The King himself!!!"

Cox: "The King himself... Elvis motherfuckin' Presley."

Cox: "Well I'll be damned suit, you're not so bad afterall."

Drummie (hysterically): "I WANT A GORILLA!!!"

Cox: "You want a gorilla, do ya Drummie? Hmmmm... Well how about, uhhhh..."

"Oh, I don't know..."

"KING MOTHERFUCKING KONG?!?!?!"

Suit: "SWEET FUCKIN' JESUS!!!"

Drummie (now having moved on to freebasing): "TELL HIM ABOUT YOUR NECK THING!!!"

Cox: "Oh snap! Dog... You ain't gonna believe this shit...

I have this thing...

With my neck...

Where like, the more excited I get...

And the more effort I put into it...

Like, the more these veins just like, FUCKIN' EXPLODE OUT OF MY NECK!!!

Cox: "DAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Suit: "JESUS CHRIST, OK!!!!"

Cox: "There's more though."

Suit: "There's MORE?!!!"

Cox (taking yet another line): "The fuck you think this is, suit... Amateur hour?!"

(Drummie is nodding off on the couch.)

Suit: "Alright, alright... Jesus. Lay it on me for fuck's sake."

Cox: "In a conceptual kiss-off to Craft Services, I want a collection of buffet trays to fall from the sky as if to make a statement about the existential despair tied to the tireless, day-to-day consumption exercises we must endure throughout our meaningless lives in the entertainment industry."

Suit: "Come on man, you can't be serious?!"

Drummie (Springing to life off of the couch and screaming bloody murder): "CRAFT FUCKING SERVICES!!!!!!!!"

Cox: "And then... In perhaps my greatest fit of inspiration to date, and in a nod to the great Fellini himself, we'll bring everyone together as if to channel a lifetime's worth of experience into one great directorial payoff... Just like the end of 8 1/2."

Suit: "It IS like the end of 8 1/2."

Drummie: "You're GODDAMN right it is."

Cox: "And there we'll be, at the end of it all... Directing from our chairs, dictating our story onwards and into the future, in an elliptical, endlessly repeating cycle of self-aware artistry."

Suit: "I can't feel my face... But I can still write a check."

Cox: "Drummie... Our work here is done."

---

... And onward they went, marching toward oblivion... The kings of wishful thinking.

Tags: s, 1990, Go West, 1980s, Music Videos, Wikipedia